Insert Awkward Silence
Getting divorced is awkward. Not just for the parties involved, but for everyone around them too.
You see, from the moment you start dating HIM, you are shouting it from the rooftops that you are in love. That he is THE ONE. And as soon as the big sparkly ring slides on that finger—there are engagement announcements, save-the-dates, wedding websites, blog posts, facebook status updates, tweets and texts. Then there is the big white dress, an expensive party and an announcement printed in the paper.
So how exactly do you break the not-so-good news that it didn’t work out? That maybe your knight in shining armor turned out to just be some guy in tin foil?
Insert awkward silent pause, am I right?
It comes up regularly. Someone asks me about HIM. If you were to see my reaction to this dreaded line of questioning, it would land somewhere between a totally blank stare and an overwhelming urge to sprint the other direction.
What I really need is a concise and easy response. But there isn’t one. I’d love to simply stick my hand into my purse, pull out the appropriate cliff-notes version of what happened (depending on who’s asking) and smile knowingly. As a writer, this is my favorite option.
It usually ends with me rambling on and on about how great I am doing. Like a used car salesman trying to unload a lemon. Nobody is buying it.
I’m left with some unsavory, real-world options. Do I make a Facebook announcement? Mail an I’m-telling-you-this-to-avoid-an-awkward-conversation-later postcard? Send a singing telegram to those who attended our wedding? Email an always in poor taste, yet REALLY funny, e-card from Someecards.com?
Naturally, I’ve decided to go with a super-private and nondescript way to share the news. This way, I figure I pretty much hit everyone. So here goes.
Yes, we split up. A long time ago. And I didn’t tell you because you didn’t ask.
