Last month, I wrote my first divorce-related feature for October’s OC Family magazine. It’s a quick “what to expect” for those considering or experiencing a divorce. Statistics show that many of the magazine’s reader are, or have been through, a divorce so it seemed like a good fit. Being a single parent is hard. Adjusting to being newly single sucks, so the article offers a sort of guide through the process and important things to think about.

You can find the online edition here. My “Suddenly Single” article is on page 82. Because I’m responsible for health content and editorial, you also can find me on page 44 of the same issue.

photo credit: Christopher Wren Photography

My TMI prenting column for OC Moms at the Orange County Register is dedicated to my own brother and sister. You. Are. Welcome.

Click here to check it out.

You can read more at ocmoms.com/pam.

This divorce has taught me a lot, most importantly, how to not be such a wimp. Read my latest for OC Moms.

I’m so excited to share my VERY first weekly parenting column for OC Moms, Single Mom Smarts.  So honored to be asked. Click on the screen grab to read it.

Abby has been to see a lot of doctors in her short life. As a baby, she battled kidney infections on an almost monthly basis. She’s had more stitches on her little body than I can even count, a ride in an ambulance when she split her head open, and some much-needed assistance from some very handsome firemen. And less than a month ago, she had surgery.

The point of her brief medical history: she’s scared of ANYONE in white coat. And for good reason.

So I got her a pediatrician Barbie (see above). I thought that maybe playing with Dr. Barbie at home might help her get used to white coats during real office visits.

Other than the teeny tiny tongue depressors, which were OBVIOUS choking hazards, it worked like a charm. She even says now that she wants to be a doctor when she grows up. Nice work, Babs.

I thought I’d look for another type of “smart” Barbie for her birthday gift. Turns out Dr. Barbie is part of an “I Can Be” series. According to Mattel, the series allows little girls to “try on” fabulous careers. A quick look around and I discovered there is a wide array of inspirational occupations as part of the series. Right now,  little girls everywhere are daydreaming about successful becoming a Baby Sitter, Lifeguard, Ballerina, Dolphin Trainer, Rock Star, Wedding Stylist, Pizza Chef, Snowboarder, Ballroom Dancer, Ballet Teacher, Movie Star or even a Bride!

Yes, having a career as a bride is totally the same as growing up to be a doctor.

So what did I order? This.

Computer Engineer Barbie, of course! I am from a family of geeked-out computer nerds. I read in a review that her laptop spells BARBIE in binary code. Until they come out with copyeditor Barbie, this will have to do.

Disney Princess-palooza has officially hit my toddlers like a freight train. The movies are constantly running, the songs are being sung, and the licenced dolls and toys are a-whirl. All the time. It never ends. It is waltzing right over all over my nerves these days.

I worked for Mr. Mouse in college, so it’s nearly impossible me to overdo it on Disney. I love all things Disney. But I am so tired of these cartoon women running my life. I’m teetering on the edge of TOO MUCH.

But I have found a few clever ways to make this mania work to my advantage. I invented, mostly out of desperation, some princess-themed games to play with the girls. I use the term “games” loosely. You’ll see.

First of all, I’d like to thank Cinderella for making cleaning (and apparently indentured servitude) cool for my girls. They adore her and have become obsessed with cleaning along with “Cinderellie” as she sings her happy tunes. I found a Cinderella-themed broom and dustpan at my local Big Lots, which was honestly the best ten bucks I’ve ever spent. So when the place starts looking like a toy-store-bomb hit it, which is pretty much every night, all I have to do is pop in the DVD and we play “Cinderella.”

The girls slip on their cheapy, plastic, princess dress-up heels (or clip-clops, as Abby calls them) and get right to work. Ellie sweeps, Abby swiffers, mommy wins.

Often, I’ll give Ellie a small dish towel, with just plain water on it. It’s her favorite way to clean. She’ll drop down on her hands and knees and furiously wipe-down the floors and anything else within reach. If it wouldn’t get me reported to CPS, I would totally invent kid-safe cleaning products.

Then, my mom got me a lightweight, rechargeable stick-style vacuum. Now, they FIGHT over who gets to vacuum during “Cinderella.” And of course, you can’t vacuum with junk all over the floor, so they race to see who can put the books and toys away the fastest. It has given me back at least an hour of “mommy” time each day, since I’m not trying to pick up and clean after they are in bed.

The other game we play is “Sleeping Beauty.” For this one, I lay on the couch (or floor) with my eyes closed and pretend to sleep, while the girls “style” my hair and apply fake make-up. For some reason, it’s some big treat to dress me up and put clips in my hair.

They pamper me with the full-service spa treatment including a thorough hair brushing, faux shampoo and blow dry, application of imaginary fake nails (applied with crayons), a complete pretend facial and make-up application. And when it’s over, I even get a back massage. To be honest, the massage part feels like it’s being done by actual Fraggles–teeny hands bouncing around aimlessly on my back as if propped up on sticks. But who’s complaining? NOT ME!

They have a blast and I get to actually relax BEFORE they are in bed. On weeknight! It’s a win-win.

What sanity-saving games have you invented to make life with little ones easier? Go ahead, I won’t judge.

My whole world revolves around a well-coordinated routine. As a single mom, I find it provides my girls with a critical sense of stability. They benefit from knowing exactly what to expect when they are with me.

Of all the things we do as part of this routine, reading together is the most important. We read all the time. And every night they spend with me, when I tuck them in, we sing songs and read. It’s such a special time for us. Ellie hums along from her crib and Abby sings loudly and off-key. Have you ever heard a two-year-old belt out “Somewhere Over the Rainbow?” It will melt you into a puddle.

But Monday night, I was extra exhausted and extra desperate. So I laid in bed with Abby (Ellie was already fast asleep) and I read, out loud, the brand new Spring 2011 Pottery Barn catalog. I was so happy. Talk about two birds and one stone, right?

Because my girls are fortunate to be from a family of literary nerds* we have a ton of kids’ books. So it wasn’t for lack of material. It was just that the catalog had been sitting on my counter for over a week and I hadn’t so much as thumbed through it. The cover read “Comfortable Style,” promising “a designer guide to casual living.” Sounds like the holy grail for a busy but sorta stylish girl like myself, right?

I expected Abby to see right through it as I began to read, as she does with most of my shortcuts. But she LOVED it. As we turned the pages, she would point out shapes and colors with glee in her eyes.

She’d exclaim “budderfwhy piw-whoah” as I admired the new line of media storage. She’d pretend to eat the red sorbet right out of the footed dessert bowls I was pining after. She even tried to blow out the pillar candles, placed on the mantle under beveled mirror I adored.

But then she started looking at the pages more carefully. She began asking some pretty obvious questions.

“Why so many piw-whoahs on dat bed mama?”

“AN MOMMY why you need a lotta lotta cups for?”

“Why you put BIG BIG scissors on dat wall?”

She made a pretty good point. Why DID we need so many useless pillows on our beds, enough glasses for THREE different types of drinks at a dinner table, and why WOULD you place a GIANT pair of scissors on the wall as decoration?

That night, she taught me two very important lessons. First, I need to stop daydreaming about decorating my place with expensive crap that we really don’t need. What I have here with my girls is perfect and complete.

And second, I might actually be able to get away with this whole reading-what-I-want thing once in a while. Tonight, I’m going to try the February Oprah magazine. 

*Don’t tell my mom what I’ve done, she’s an early childhood literacy expert and would probably have a cow.

Photo credit http://www.potterybarn.com/.

Ever been stuck on a plane that has had to circle the airport, waiting for clearance to land? You are excited to get off the plane. You want to get off the plane. You NEED to get off the plane. You can’t sit another minute in your seat.

Yeah, getting divorced is kinda like that.

Several months ago I made a really important decision to-once and for all- stand up for what I know to be right. To take control of my life. To take my girls and leave my husband.

The truth is that I wanted it to be over a long time ago and I stuck it out anyway. I thought that if I gave it enough time and enough good-old-fashioned-Christian-girl guilt, things would improve. But they didn’t improve. They got worse. And worse. And worse.

So now, I am figuring out how to move on and pick up the pieces. But I am caught in this holding pattern—rife with red tape and rules. Finances, custody schedules, mandatory mediation, court hearings. Red tape.

If I didn’t have the girls, I’d be strapping on my parachute right now and looking for the emergency exit. But that’s the thing about motherhood. It means always doing the right thing, even when it’s the hardest thing. And these days, everything is hard.

Hell, I’d go down on the burning plane if it meant sparing them from this.

But for now, I’m stuck in a horrible holding pattern. Waiting for a runway. Waiting, impatiently, to get off this damn plane.

I’m pretty sure I just used up of six minutes of my allotted fifteen minutes of fame. In May, I was interviewed by OC Family magazine (see it here on page 82) about being a working mom.

And then the editor Susan Belknapp (see her blog here) asked me to be part of a panel interview on “Cox Forum.”  It’s a local show about issues facing the heart of Orange County–actually, I don’t know what their shtick is–I just made that up. But I am sure it’s something like that.

I was nervous. It was the first time that I was “coming out” that I worked at CHOC Children’s. Up until that point, I only ever wrote about “working for a hospital.” That meant that I’d have to put on my PR hat and say the right thing–about one of the most hot-button issues ever. In the history of motherhood. No pressure. Now, I am no stranger to the debate between the working moms and the stay-at-homers.  But I do, obviously, have my own opinions and was nervous about whst “work Pam” could have to say about all of this. 

The good news is I was paired up with Trinka–a VP at a well-known bank, and a mother of a two-year-old. It turned out that it wasn’t even a debate. We were pretty much on the same page. There wasn’t anybody there yelling at us or pointing fingers. Just an honest discussion about the issues facing working moms.

We both answered some pretty loaded questions, and think we did okay, considering that we are amateurs.

You can see the video below. I am used to writing speaking points for people going in front of the camera, not actually being in front of it. And please be kind, I was so nervous that I wasn’t sure what to do with my hands. So I sat on them. Can you say awkward?

And the real highlight of the night? Once Trinka and realized that our little ones were fast asleep at home and there was no need to hurry home. Susan, Trinka and I went out for a yummy meal and an even yummier and much-needed drink.

 In case you wanted to know, I plan to use the last nine minutes toward a windfall lottery mega win and when I am interviewed by Oprah. And in case you want to see me at OC Family, click here.

…just puppets. Read more in my post at OC Family.